Sunday, April 15, 2012

Don't smell until the timing is correct. Seriously, just don't.

My husband likes smells. Like good smells. He buys lots of air freshener, shoe spray, cologne (like dozens of them), candles, etc.

A while back, he bought some really expensive air freshener while on vacation. It came in a tiny glass bottle and cost like $1,000. It smelled just like Endust. Yeah, the dusting spray. It's awful. Nothing you can try to cover with it could smell worse than this stuff. If you just took a dump, light a match, but don't spray Endust, right? Incidentally, the bottles say, "Do Not use on polished/painted surfaces." I suppose many people must mistake it for dusting spray.

So recently he decided to write the company and tell them that he thought the products may have spoiled on the shelf.
Here was his message:

From: Mark **** <((redacted email address))>
Subject: product disappointment
To: ((redacted email address))
Date: Tuesday, April 3, 2012, 4:07 AM

                                                                               April 3, 2012

I purchased two bottles of your air conditioners a couple of months ago at the **** in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, there wasn't a test bottle, so I hadn't tried either. But I figured they would have a nice spa-scent, and at $48 a bottle, I figured they would be exquisite quality.
I have more than 40 colognes, a number of air fresheners and I'm quite a spa aficionado, but the products just didn't go over well at my home for either my wife or I, or my office. I thought it was just too strong of  a scent for us, but have since tried to give them away to various couples, but they had the same negative reaction. I really think they might have been on the shelf too long.
The scents are:
- Archangel Uriel
- Hilarion

Any way, I was just wondering if there is any way to ship them to you and have them replaced for something else? If you notice they have gone bad, you could send the same ones (although that would be my last choice). But I would really like to try something else. As you'll see, both bottles are nearly full.

If you can help me, I'd really appreciate it. If not, I understand.

Please let me know.

Thank You
Mark Smith
((contact info redacted))

Pretty diplomatic, right?
Well, this was the reply.

From: Debbie Blake <((email redacted))>
Subject: Re: product disappointment
To: "Mark *****" <((email redacted))>
Date: Tuesday, April 3, 2012, 8:53 AM
Hello Mark,
Thank you for contacting me.  Unfortunately I can not take the products back and give you a replacement.  The **** in Las Vegas has closed there doors for some time now.  But what I would like to do is give you a little insight into the product and how you might understand the energetics that are going on with them and yourself.  I have a web site up if you would like to look into this a little more.
First Archangel Uriel.  The colors are gold on the top and royal blue on bottom.  The Equilibrium bottle is B097  Also the product of the month is Archangel Uriel
Over the years of being a teacher and practitioner of Aura-Soma I have seen students not be ready for a product there fore they have a negative reaction to it.  What that tells me the timing is not correct and there is other work to address first. Once this is recognize and address the negative reaction leaves and the student is open to these energies.  The gold of Archangel Uriel is talking about Universal Wisdom coming through the intuitive senses of your body.  There could be a real resistance to becoming intuitive to your fullest being because of something that has happened in the past.  Please check out the home page of my site to have a greater understanding of what I am talking about.
This energy is asking us to look into the deepest areas of our heart and recognize the trapped emotional blocks that we are holding onto.  Once they are released we open ourselves to move into a new direction.
I know this is allot of information and if you would like a consultation to have a greater understanding please feel free to contact me and we can set up an appointment. 
I send my very best and wish you an insightful journey.

Much love and light,
((contact info redacted)

So, let's get this straight. We thought their ridiculously over-priced products stunk (literally) and rather than apologize or replace them, they blame us for not being emotionally prepared for their air freshener? I love this quote: "There could be a real resistance to becoming intuitive to your fullest being because of something that has happened in the past."

I never realized that one must complete counseling and perhaps graduate from some scent academy in order to find an air freshener pleasant. It's weird because Lysol never gave a shit if I took classes.

This is where Mark gets Marky. He's not a guy who likes to take crap from people, or waste money. (The red part is my emphasis on hilarity.)

From: Mark **** <((email info redacted))>
Subject: Re: product disappointment
To: "Debbie Blake" <((email info redacted))>
Date: Sunday, April 8, 2012, 3:59 AM

First of all, the **** has not closed down.
Secondly, you are a teacher?
Of what?
Misspellings and bad grammar?
You obviously know that your products suck, and now I know it wasn't simply a bad bottle.
So here's what you do teach: spray a couple of bottles of that garbage up your schnoz, run free and naked in your new-age full-of-crap factory -- then jump into a pool of reality.

I'll be sure to tell the directors of the **** you are spreading the word about them being closed.


Oh my God. I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. Gotta love those middle-of-the-night emails. Needless to say, we haven't yet signed up for consultations on insightfulness. And we still think the air fresheners smell like cleaning chemicals. 

But upon reading the website she referred to, I learned some important things, like this:

"I have found that when you ask the appropriate questions the bottles will reveal your comprehensive sequence to unlocking a more evolved you."
 Magic bottles!

"Your unconscious does not understand the language of color. Aura-Soma can show you what needs addressing so you can move forward in a language the unconscious does not understand. Color is the KEY to unlocking the unconscious. Once the resistance is removed. You can receive your divine gifts that are yours and it can bring more joy, bliss, pleasure, peace and abundance into your life." 

All that from a magic bottle! A stinky one at that!

Then I found that the Archangel Uriel scent has more powers! (Again, red is my emphasis, this time on oddness):

"It helps to support the growth towards clarity of intuitive perception, to use awareness with compassion, with warmth. It may awaken awareness of fear and confusion, or the tendency to intellectualization, to empower the mind more then the intuitive faculties."

No wonder we're running scared of these products!

1 comment:

Isabelle said...

I'll have to think about it all next time I go to the loo...
Mark's second mail is sooo funny!