Alright, the nitty-gritty

I told you that I had my baby, Brock, last week on July 13. He was born at 12:02 a.m., on his due date. I was trying so hard to push him out on July 12, but I missed by a few minutes. I'm not sure why I cared. Maybe it gave me a goal for the whole thing to be over with!

I thought I'd share my story while I have a spare 5 minutes. I know some of you are pregnant, and I don't intend to make this any kind of horror story, so don't fear. I am just sharing my experience, and want to whisper this in your ears: take the epidural!!

So, on Sunday, July 11, I started feeling some contractions. But they were really minor and easy to deal with. I went about my day feeling giddy and thinking, "this isn't so bad." I had been having painless Braxton-Hicks contractions and menstrual-like cramps for weeks, but not painful contractions I could actually time. Sometime that afternoon, it all just petered out. I was disappointed and hoped it still meant that it would happen soon and I wouldn't go late and be induced. I figured it was a good sign.

The next day, I got up about 7:30 to feed my cats, who were annoying me. I went back to bed and started feeling contractions again. This time they were darn painful. But they were spaced out. A few hours later, I decided to get up and eat. Each contraction had me pausing, doubled over and breathing through them. I had expected them to start more slowly and gently, for some reason, and then work their way up. Incidentally (grossness alert), I never saw any sign of mucous plug or bloody show.

I decided to shower while they were still far enough apart that I could handle it OK. I'm sure glad I did. I then got back into bed and started recording/timing contractions. They hurt terribly. I couldn't talk through them or listen to someone else. I stayed there for hours, fearing I'd have to wait a really long time like that before they were close enough together to go to the hospital. Thankfully, they were about 2 minutes long. So all I needed was for them to get a bit closer together.

Here's another TMI moment: I went to pee a few times and there was a gush of fresh blood. Not like a tiny bit on the TP, but a lot. So I sort of freaked out and called the doctor's office. The nurse didn't sound particularly reassuring about the blood and after asking me about the contractions decided I was close enough and told me she'd let them know I was on my way.

Mark loaded up the car frantically, somehow forgetting all of the stuff I packed for the baby and some other things I had deemed important. In the end, most of it was unnecessary. (I will say that I'm glad I took some [dark-colored] nursing pajamas and a nursing sleep bra. I would have hated to wear the hospital gown the whole time, even though I was not in the hospital long.) The ride to the hospital seemed endless. I could not walk well at this point, so I was wheeled up to labor and delivery and placed in triage. I was upset because I kept feeling blood coming out, but they left me there for quite awhile like I was not in the midst of the scariest and most painful event of my life.

At this point, the only word in my vocabulary was the F-word. Over and over and over again. I fear it may be Brock's first word. It was kind of funny that that was all I could say. The contractions seemed to never end, and they really did hurt more than I expected. Finally, they got me into a labor room and apologized for taking so long.

They offered me some sort of narcotic through my IV, which was probably one of those things I'd read other people criticizing on the pregnancy forums, but at that point I did not care what they gave me, as long as it took the edge off. The drug started with a Ph or an F sound, though I don't recall what it was. It made me feel goooood. I was sort of dizzy and in la-la land for a while.

Eventually, maybe around 4 or so, the anesthesiologist came and gave me my epidural. He said that it went in better than any he'd given before. Maybe he says that to everyone. But I did still feel contractions on the left side, and I had tremendous pain up in my rib cage on the left, where the baby seemed to have shoved himself.

A nurse came and "topped" off my epidural and I got sweet relief at last! I actually went 100% numb from the rib cage down. You could have stabbed my legs and I wouldn't have felt it at all. I could not wiggle my toes anymore. It was disconcerting, but I figured it was better than many more hours of what I had been feeling. I kept asking the nurse if she was sure I'd ever be able to use my legs again.

Eventually, around 7 the doctor on call came in as her shift was ending and broke my bag of waters and checked the dilation. It was pretty good, I think 8 cm. Eventually, I was found to be fully dilated, but I still had zero feeling. They wanted me to be able to at least feel the pressure so I could push, but I was not regaining feeling and they decided to proceed. My labor nurse was wonderful. If you don't have a great labor nurse, I'm not sure how you'd get through that!

My nurse set up a bar on the end of the bed and tied a bed sheet to it for me to hold onto. She held one leg and Mark held the other and then when the machine showed I was having a contraction, she'd tell me to push. I couldn't feel a thing, so I'd just push blindly and she'd tell me by watching if I was pushing in the right area. Very weird.

When the doctor on call got there, we did this a little longer and out came Brock! Mark worked so hard on my labor. He certainly wasn't just holding my hand. He was sore for days from holding the dead weight of my leg (maybe I gained a bit too much weight?) and helping me push. It would have taken ages longer to deliver if not for him.

Now, about Mark: He's way squeamish. I don't blame him; I'm the same way. Earlier, when I'd asked about him cutting the umbilical cord, he was horrified that someone would even ask him that. During the labor, when the nurse would recline me flat, my blood pressure would drop and I'd get really nauseated. At one point, between pushes, I started vomiting. Mark tried to hold a bucket there, but vomiting while flat on your back with your legs in the air is not easy. Needless to say, it kind of got everywhere. I started panicking and crying when I couldn't breathe. I'm pretty sure I inhaled quite a bit of it because I was coughing a nasty cough for a few days.

After that, Mark felt emboldened. He figured, he took the barf, he could take the rest of it. He wasn't freaked out to look at the baby as he crowned or watch the doctor stitch me up (level 2 tear, wasn't too bothersome). He even took interest in the placenta, which is actually very interesting. Mark decided it just looked like liver or something you could eat. And, actually, some people do.

At this point, as you can imagine, I was in heaven. It was finally over, and I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. After nine months of worrying about your baby, seeing him in the flesh and knowing he's OK is such an amazing feeling.

Unfortunately, my legs didn't work for hours more. I had to be taken to my regular room on a gurney instead of using a wheelchair. But I can walk now just fine, so no worries.

I think of friends who had no pain meds, and I'm pretty amazed. Either I'm wimpy or they are incredibly strong. Or they had some totally different contractions. But I'm really glad that I personally went the medicated route. I think it made my birthing experience a million times better. I know some people want to feel the whole thing because they feel they get more out of it that way, but it wasn't for me.

As for the aftermath, I really didn't have much discomfort, ahem, "down there." I did for a few days, but it went away quickly. I never needed pain meds that were offered to me, and the numbing spray was unnecessary. I had planned to do sitz baths, but I honestly never had time once I got home. I healed up quickly and it never bothered me much.

I was a little surprised by the pooch that was left after the birth, but it's going down pretty quickly. I also haven't looked in the mirror much (I've only gotten dressed and left the house twice since), but then saw that I had actually lost most of the fat I gained. I'd look pretty much normal if not for the stretched out belly, which isn't fat anyway, and the ginormous boobs that came with breast-feeding.

A few more things I want to share:
If you hang out on pregnancy forums, you'll see a lot of judgmental moms out there. People who have decided to oppose everything from vaccines to epidurals. And if you don't know what you're doing, you feel like you need to make a fuss about things, too, or you're a bad mom for just going with the flow.

I found that flexibility is key. I took the meds offered to me because I needed them. And I wasn't going to feel bad. I don't believe they'd really give me that narcotic if it was a danger to my baby.

I was made to feel it's a terrible thing to allow your baby to be taken from your room at any time. They automatically weigh and measure the baby in your presence, after some bonding time. But I refused to send him to the nursery when I was falling apart and hadn't slept in ages. Mark couldn't understand it, but I'd allowed these "forum" people to make me feel terrible about that. At one point I thought I'd drop him from exhaustion at 3 a.m. but he was screaming nonstop. I was crying, too, and called the nurse to help me figure out what to do. She came and said that she has newborn testing to do, anyway, and that she could do it now and give me a little break. I didn't want to, and she said, "You're not a bad mom for letting him go to the nursery. 10 other moms have called in the last hour looking for a little chance to sleep." I still cried because I sent my newborn son away because he was crying and I wanted to sleep. I felt so selfish, but now I wish I'd taken advantage a bit more because I'm still so exhausted!

Well, I've used up my luxury time here, so I'm going to wrap it up for today. I will write more soon about the first week and what it was like for me.

Baby Brock

Hi everyone! I've been such a bore lately that I'm sure nobody reads my blog anymore anyway, but I wanted to announce the birth of my son earlier this week.



Brock Emanuel
7 lbs, 4 oz
20 inches long

Everything went great. He's perfect and I had no complications or need for induction. I will tell more about my experience later, since I'm pretty much exhausted and have to sleep any chance I get.

I was able to get some rest today and tonight and feel much better. My husband's shift ended and the baby actually went to sleep in his crib. He had been cluster feeding this evening, so when my shift started, I realized he was kind of on a longer break. I still got up to check that he was OK and found myself with a spare few moments to catch you all up.

There are a few of you who are also pregnant. I have little Internet time for the next few weeks, but I'll definitely be catching up on how you're doing and hope you are well!

What pregnancy has taught me

Well, I'm nine days from B-Day! Of course, he may come sooner or later, but I can't believe it's so close.

I'm very tired lately. The smallest errand really takes it out of me. Right about now, I'm so glad to have a job where I sit all day. I only have to get through this week and then I can take it easy and await the birth of my firstborn.

I just got a small burst of energy and dusted my bedroom and vacuumed upstairs, and now I am afraid I'm going to crash. Thus, I will make this snappy and get in the shower before that happens!

I will not lie. Pregnancy has been much harder on my body than I expected. Is this because I'm 36? Or is it just the way it is for everyone? I don't know. It seems to be that way for everyone.

The end of pregnancy has involved a lot of waddling and pelvic pain for me. The baby has dropped really low -- past the zero station to the 1 station. He's primed for take off! My doctor says that is good for delivery and pushing. I'm not dilated much; I've been at 1/2 cm for a while now. I'm about 60% effaced. My cervix is also still at the back, and I guess it has to shift for birth. These things don't really point to any particular birthing date, as any of them can change very quickly.

I also have had some mighty puffy feet in the last few weeks. And there's some nerve that baby presses on sometimes that sends shooting misery down the inside of my right leg. The pressure on the pubic bone also sends some shooting pains throughout my private regions. It's hard to wear pants because the bottom of my belly literally stops a couple of inches above my crotch. So most of my maternity shirts do not reach long enough to cover my tummy.

The plus side is that my entire wardrobe fits in half of a laundry basket and I don't have to bother putting my clothes away.

I've had a lot of ailments to complain about, but I'd like to point out a few things I'm thankful I didn't have:

Carpel tunnel in my wrists
Mask of pregnancy (I do have two small spots, but nothing that has taken over my face or anything)
Vomiting or extended morning sickness
Extensive weight gain (I've gained the full 30 pounds that was recommended, but not more)

I know there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

Now, on to what I've learned from pregnancy:
I'm so much stronger than I thought. I can take so much more than I expected. Women are strong ... much stronger than men! Really, I'd like to see them do this. Before, when I had an ailment, I visited the medicine cabinet. I've learned that I can take just about any misery without any kind of medicinal aid, though I thank God for Maalox. The nighttime acid reflux can get pretty vicious toward the end. Finally, mothers really do have a right to say, "... after all I've done for you!!!" This is just the beginning of sacrifices I will make for my son, and gladly!

Fine. Here's your picture.

By popular demand, a picture of me at 37 weeks' pregnant.

And I didn't even crop out my face.

3-1/2 weeks to go

I simply cannot believe I'm so close to having this bebe! I'm completely ready and not the least bit scared. I think I may get a bit freaked out when I actually enter the hospital, because hospitals just don't impart a good feeling in you. Maybe that's the appeal of home births for some people. I don't think I realized this until I went on a tour of the maternity areas today.

The thing I like about my hospital is that it's very mother/baby friendly. It's pretty much automatic that you're expected to room with your baby. You'd have to go out of your way to have it kept in the nursery. It's pretty much automatic that you're to breast-feed, too. I mean, it's your choice, but I had heard other people talk about nurses formula feeding babies without permission, and I guess that won't be an issue where I'm going. It's also very partner-friendly, encouraging fathers to play their really important part in everything. I like that they give you skin-to-skin contact with baby for the first hour of life. All these things were important to me, but I thought I'd have to request them.

As for how I'm feeling:
Remember the severe mid-back pain I whined about all of the time? Well, for whatever reason, that disappeared. It seemed to coincide with when the baby moved into the right side of my belly. I don't know why he likes hanging out with his head shoved into my pelvic bone, but I sure do feel better.

On the negative side, my feet and ankles started swelling something awful. And now that it's so hot, I feel compelled to cover up with long pants instead of wearing breezy dresses. It's a dignity thing. It's easy to tell me not to care, but I do care. I have very few ways in which I can feel like a decent-looking human being. Therefore, I do what I can. A pedicure, eyebrow wax, makeup, style my hair. Shave my legs, you know. I still look like a cow, but at least I TRY to be pretty. Sometimes I try to hide all of the bad stuff with inappropriately fancy jewelry. I'm not sure if it's foolin' anyone.

I'm totally prepared for the baby, as far as supplies and the nursery go. And mentally and physically, too. Actually, I have not done my Kegel exercises or my perineum massages, and I'll probably pay for that eventually, but I'm just coasting along for a few weeks, looking forward to some time off of work and meeting my precious son. I also haven't picked a pediatrician. Maybe I should do that sometime soon. Sleep has already become rather difficult, so maybe I'll be a little prepared for exhaustion on some level. I'm totally ready to be able to move -- dying to go for a walk! My pelvis hurts with each step I take, so it's really frustrating.

I'll leave you with my cankles/puffy feet. Oh, they get much worse than this. I got to take a nap today, so my earlier swelling went down and then I started over. But at least my toenails are pretty!

Nursery is finished

I've finally finished the baby's room. I'm only 4-1/2 weeks away from my due date, you know!

I've shown you the fabrics before:



Step right in ...



These are the cheapo shelves I once tried to paint with regular paint. Up close, they look just awful. But they came in handy.



I selected the crib online, and did a terrible job of matching the wood to my existing furniture. Too much trouble to send back, though.



The crib will turn into a toddler bed and then a full-size bed.

The mobile was custom made by etsy seller Buggalove. I hand-embroidered the dinosaurs in the frames.




I sewed all of the bedding and such from fabrics I got at Warehouse Fabrics Inc. You can see them here, here, here and here. I used Vogue 7245 pattern, which I wouldn't recommend. The instructions were awful and the techniques lacking.

This is a toy holder.



The bumpers are a little loose fitting and need some more work if I choose to use them.



A little hamper, a rocking horse that was handed down to me by a co-worker and a photo holder that I made.



I later decided to whip up this pleated valance for the window. It did a lot for the room, really, and was easy to make. I made a tutorial here.



I ended up ordering the cheapest glider chair I could find at Target, and it is really quite comfy! I made the quilt and diaper holder, too.



The dresser from my guest bedroom set stayed in the room and will double as a changing table.



(My cat really likes the changing pad for a bed.)

JackKnits on etsy.com custom made these dinosaurs for me, and the colors really matched well.



Now I just need to get the bags packed!



Oh, and go into labor and stuff.

Baby shower!

Saturday was my baby shower, and it was lots of fun. At least, it was fun for me. It had a great turnout. I felt so touched that so many people came. And their generosity was amazing. They helped us out so much.

My mom hosted it at her house with the help of my in-laws. Here are me and my mom. I'm just shy of 34 weeks here.



Yeah, I didn't realize how much weight I'd gained till I saw my flabby arms in these photos. My arms are usually among my best parts.

They made an amazing spread of food, and the house looked beautiful.



Holy cow, that's a lot of gifts!



I got some great ones. I loved the Sleep Sheep, which is a portable white noise machine that you can hang on your baby's car seat to keep him sleeping while out and about.



A bunch of co-workers went in together and made me this amazing basket full of essentials!



And if baby gets to be too naughty, I can float him down the Rio Grande in this Moses basket!

My baby daddy stopped by for a quick hello and felt a bit awkward.



And one last random picture, my swing. I wanted a fairly compact one to save on space. This one's portable.



You would not even believe how much clothes this baby has! We are very blessed to have such caring friends and family!

Right around the corner -- 33 weeks

I have just been swamped lately, but I wanted to stop in and say that I'm 6.5 weeks from baby time, and I am doing well. My belly is huge, and I started gaining real weight, as in fat, a while back, so I'm feeling a bit pudgy. But I shouldn't have too much to lose in actual fat weight.

I've had no strange cravings. My only cravings are sugary foods and pizza, especially from Venezia's Pizzeria. I can't get enough of that stuff. Thus the fat. This lady at work says she craved ... wait for it ... vegetables. Damn her.

We have one more ultrasound next week (week 34). That's been planned for some time, but four visits ago the baby measured (using a tape measure and my belly) right on target. Then three visits ago he was 2 weeks big. Two visits ago, she didn't measure for some reason. And this week he was 2 weeks small, which has my baby daddy worried that his son will grow up to be a shrimp. I'm not too worried, though. There can be many reasons for those measurements and my doctor did not seem concerned. They'll check on his growth and amniotic fluid next week.

I'm just getting the room ready. My baby shower is Saturday, and I'm both excited and nervous, because fun as it sounds, I always get a little shy being the center of attention like that!

10 weeks and counting!

I haven't been posting much lately, especially about the pregnancy. With all of my early complaining, I'm sure nobody is particularly heartbroken about that. I have no photos for this post, so I apologize for the loooooonnng, texty post.

I just hit the 30 week point -- that's out of 40 weeks total. Of course, he could arrive a little earlier, or even a little later. There's no pop-up timer like on a turkey.

I have been generally uncomfortable throughout the last 7.5 months, but thankfully it's just discomfort, and not any kind of serious problems with my baby or me.

So what has it been like to be pregnant?

FIRST TRIMESTER

I found out I was pregnant at five weeks, which is really three weeks, since they start counting at the first day of your last period, not at conception. I thought, "Well, at least no morning sickness!" Then I read that it actually usually starts around week 6. And it did, right on time. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones. Mine only lasted about three weeks and never involved any puking.

On the other hand, around the same time I developed serious food aversions, which are quite common. Somehow, though, it's distinctly different from the nausea of morning sickness. It's just a serious disgust of certain foods, for me, mainly, vegetables. Even thinking about broccoli, normally a food I'm fond of, made vomit rise in my throat. Later, vegetables started seeming less awful, but things like chicken and other meat started to be disgusting to me. Conveniently, fried chicken and hamburgers never seemed gross. As it turns out, these are very common food aversions.

Aside from that, I found that my blood sugar seemed quite unstable. Without warning, I'd start to feel kind of ill. I had to have something in my purse at all times for a quick bite.

I don't recall the exact timeline, but maybe around week 8 I started getting really severe headaches. I've always been plagued by headaches, but I'm accustomed to popping a (mostly over-the-counter) pill when need be. When you're pregnant, you can really only have regular strength Tylenol. My doctor said if it got really bad, I could have Midrin, a prescription that I already have on hand. I found that I could never bring myself to take it. I was just too scared. That first trimester is when everything is developing, and I had to take my first lessons on sacrifice as a mother.

Those headaches were among the most severe I've ever known, and they lasted for days and days. I'd never had headaches that lasted that long. Tylenol was about as effective as Tic-Tacs, so I quit even bothering with it most of the time. I was incredibly sick. But somehow I rode out several months of those, and every day I wondered how I made it through. There were times that I had horrible thoughts about the pregnancy, and then I'd feel just awful for thinking them.

Those were my major ailments. On top of those I had unbelievable exhaustion; breasts that tripled in size practically overnight and hurt incredibly until about week 14 and many other things that can be found in this whiny post: Things that suck about pregnancy.

SECOND TRIMESTER

Ahhh. The second trimester. This is usually considered the best time of pregnancy because many of your first trimester ailments ease up, you're looking a little pregnant, but a lot of the discomforts that come later are still in the distance.

Boy did I feel better. My headaches cleared up and most of my food aversions did, too. But I had a lack of appetite through week 20 or 22. The plus side was that I barely gained any weight up until this point. I really disliked food and ate enough to nourish myself and my baby, but had no desire to eat anything extra.

By week 24, all food aversions were gone. I loved food! I still wasn't particularly hungry -- no more so than I was before I was pregnant, but at least food sounded good. I was no longer fatigued, and I found out that a condition I had, placenta previa, had cleared up. That's when the placenta covers the cervix/birth canal. It can cause bleeding and other problems, so you're basically on some degree of activity restrictions -- like no exercise. If you start to bleed, you could be taken out of work and put on home or hospital bed rest. I found out at 24 weeks that as my uterus grew, the placenta moved on over to a safer location. Yay! From that point on, I just got to be a normal pregnant woman.

I was eager to exercise, but I found that starting at 24 weeks' pregnant wasn't so easy. Just walking around the block was incredibly hard. I had some extra weight, of course, even if it wasn't much fat. My blood volume will increase by 45 to 50 percent by the end of the pregnancy, and as lung capacity decreases, more oxygen is still needing to be processed, so it's just darn hard to exercise if you haven't been doing it all along. My blood pressure has also been very low, like 85/50, so sometimes I'd get dizzy.

I also found that if I didn't get enough protein with breakfast, I'd get really sick shortly thereafter. That led me to this helpful pregnancy breakfast, since I wasn't too big on a meaty start to my day.

THIRD TRIMESTER

I was sort of shocked when I found myself in the third trimester. It all seemed to be happening so fast! I was definitely glad, though. Somewhere toward the end of the second trimester, I developed really severe back pain. Not lower back pain, like you'd expect, but mid-back pain. I still have it. It's so much worse when I sit. As a matter of fact, I can generally stand and walk as much as I want and feel no back pain. From time to time, my lower back, way down by my tailbone, starts up and I get really stiff when I move about. But usually it's just the sitting that gets me. That's also what I do at work all day. Sit. I had to give up my regular chair for a kneeling chair, and if not for that, I don't know how I could continue at my job. It still hurts in the kneeling chair, but it's much more tolerable.

I also have several belly/back support braces that help a lot, too. I try to get to the chiropractor once a week, and my insurance allows me a 30-minute massage with that. My mom sent me to her physical therapist, who told me my pelvis is misaligned. But no amount of exercises or adjustments seems to get it to stay in place. I guess my body is just changing too much, and there's a lot of extra weight in the front.

One thing that happens in pregnancy is that your ligaments loosen, so your joints are less stable. In addition to that, your pubic bone also can start to separate at the cartilage in the center. This is to make room for baby, and I may say that it doesn't feel too good. (Up above, I accidentally wrote "public" bone. I work for a newspaper, and I think one of my biggest fears is accidentally writing the word "pubic" in a headline instead of "public," so my fingers have major trouble writing it without the "L.")

I am a little (lot) tired of the hair thing. First off, where is my long, thick lustrous pregnancy hair? It's exactly the same, but with more broken wispies around the face that must be glued down each day. But the body! It's like you get a fine peach fuzz all over the place. I feel like a damn werewolf sometimes. I haven't even bothered with my normal waxing, because it can't put a dent in this mess, and I can't afford to wax head to toe.

A few weeks ago, I started to get more hungry. I have not had any strange cravings, but boy do I LOVE sugar. Love it. I have to force myself to get some veggies and nutrients in my body for the sake of the baby.

He's been very active all along, but now that he's big (should be close to 3 pounds and 15 inches, I think) I can really feel him moving in ripples across my belly. It's strange feeling, but it comforts me to know he's alive in there. My husband sometimes feels my belly while I sleep and wonders how I can sleep at all with all that movement going on. Sometimes it weirds him out a little. The other day, I saw a bulge come out, stay a moment, and recede. I guess he was stretching a leg or something. It's funny to look down and see my belly wiggling about through no effort of my own.

So that leaves me at week 30. I feel pretty good, except for the back pain. But it's funny how something that makes you so miserable can eventually start to seem less noticeable. Ten weeks is not long, and before I know it, he'll be here!

I showed me

I now realize how utterly stupid the title of this post was.

It's time for a belly shot

Chickenbone Jones, aka Amy, has requested a belly shot. Here I am at a few days shy of 6 months' pregnant. I'm 23 weeks and 4 days, to be exact.

(I got that top at Other Mothers second-hand shop for $4.99, and it's probably the prettiest maternity item I own.)





I feel sort of big, but my belly measured exactly 23 weeks yesterday, so I guess I'm right on target. I feel really good except for one thing: my back. It kills me when I sit. I am talking total misery. And I sit all day at work. It feels better when I get up, but I can't do my job standing up, so for much of the shift, I feel utterly awful.

On my co-worker's days off, I borrow her kneeling chair, and it is so wonderful. I went through nearly my whole shift with no pain, and that's without my uncomfortable brace! The brace doesn't help much with my regular chair.

I just found a $15 kneeling chair on Craig's List. It's in Santa Fe, but I'm willing to drive there and get it if it's still available.

Other than that, I feel quite good. Baby is healthy -- definitely punching and kicking "hello" often. I haven't gained much weight, which I really cannot believe. I think I've gained 11-13 pounds total, and most of it seems to be baby and not extra fat. That's just under target weight gain for this point, and not unhealthy. My blood pressure was rather low yesterday -- 90/60, but many women have problems with high blood pressure in pregnancy, so maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Now that my appetite came back, I keep expecting to balloon up. I'm sure I'll get a bit chunky by the end, but it doesn't appear I'll be gaining 50 pounds or anything. Then again, I just figured out that Carls Jr. has hand-scooped chocolate malts, so who knows.

My new pregnancy breakfast

As I said in my last post, I'm feeling much, much better. I'm 22 weeks, 6 days along today. I do have a lot of back pain, and hip pain at night. But other than that, I feel pretty good.

Because several "blog friends" have become pregnant a wee bit behind me, I wanted to talk about some things that have helped me. Hopefully, if you have similar issues, it will help you too.

Because I have placenta previa (which means the placenta is covering the birth canal, which can lead to bleeding), I'm not allowed much physical activity, which would probably actually help my aches and pains a lot. The condition is likely to clear itself up as my belly grows, but until an ultrasound proves otherwise, I have to take it easy. It kind of makes me sad, because I had been looking forward to feeling better and hitting the gym.

Initially, I had a terrible appetite, along with morning sickness and MAJOR food aversions, so I had a hard time eating. I wasn't gaining much weight, but secretly I was sort of happy about that. For the first half of the pregnancy, I gained a few pounds shy of what was expected.

Now that I have my appetite back, I'm catching up. And without being able to exercise, I'm afraid I'm going to become a cow here pretty soon. I guess time will tell.

For a while, I had trouble after breakfast. It may have been a blood sugar plunge after my first meal of the day, or it may have been my prenatal vitamins making me really sick. I'm really not sure because I tried to change both of them at the same time. I have found that getting a good load of protein at breakfast helps me feel much better. I have also quit my prenatals and am taking my pre-pregnancy vitamin regimen, which includes an adult one-a-day multi (but now I'm adding extra folic acid), calcium, vitamin D (because I was deficient) and vitamin C. The nurse said it's OK to do this.

So, on to my miracle breakfast. I have started making a healthy fruit protein smoothie and eating half of a bagel with cream cheese.

Here is my smoothie recipe:

1 C total of frozen berries, including strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and blackberries.
1/3 frozen banana (peel and slice, then put in baggies and freeze)
1 C lowfat milk
1/2 C fat free plain yogurt
dash of honey
toss in some flax seeds (they grind up and you won't taste them)
1-2 scoops whey protein powder (vanilla)



throw all of the above in a blender and blend for 1 minute, until nice and smooth. This actually makes a couple of glasses worth, and I drink it all.

Enjoy with your local newspaper!

That's hot

On the pregnancy front, I'm feeling loads better. What used to be more "sickness," like headaches and nausea, is now more aches and pains. My back has taken to k-i-l-l-i-n-g me when I sit, which makes getting through the night at work difficult.

My doctor gave me this belly/back brace, which is rather uncomfortable but can really help.



Throughout the day at work, I use it off and on (UNDER my clothes!). It tends to interfere with the top of my pants when I sit, which is annoying,

I used it yesterday at home when my mom and I were working on sewing nursery decor, and it really improved my stamina.

I also want to add that warm baths (with Epsom salts) help, too.

The major concerns in life

I'm starting to have some sympathy for men with beer bellies.

I had trouble putting socks on today, and it took quite a bit of grunting and gasping to do it. It rather hurt, squishing my belly enough to reach my feet. I am wondering: do I need to hire someone to put my socks and shoes on for me in a few months? How will this work when it's really big? Does an actual beer belly not hurt when you bend because it's just, well, fat?

Most importantly: How in the world will I get pee samples at the OB visits when my belly is humongous? Don't they know how hard it is for women to give pee samples as it is?

And why are the cats' feet only capable of landing on my very sore boobs OR my uterus? There are lots of other parts to my body that are still perfectly normal.

The adventures never end, friends. But I must say that now that I feel so much better (not like this at all anymore), I am actually enjoying all the strange things happening to me. This includes feeling some little flutters and "pops" when the baby moves.

It gets bigger than this?

OK, it's belly time. Here's the thing: I've always had a flat stomach. Big butt, maybe. Flabby thighs, OK. But I've never had a pot belly.

So this is really weird to me. I feel HUUUUGGGGGEE. And it's just the beginning.


16 weeks, first pregnancy

I know, I know. I don't know what huge is yet. It just feels so out-of-the-ordinary big right now that it's hard to imagine. It already gets in the way of sleeping or bending over, to some extent.

As for how I feel: better, but not great. I've gotten much of my energy back, though I still tucker out easily. I thought my horrible headaches were coming to an end, but I've had quite a few this week. They aren't as long-lived as they were before, though. And pregnancy low blood pressure on top of my normal low blood pressure means dizzy spells that create pounding headaches and make me almost faint. I have heard pregnant women faint fairly easily during such blood-pressure related spells, so I try to be careful and sit or lie down quickly.

I still hate food and don't feel like eating, and I'm not any hungrier than I ever was. I never had a big appetite to begin with, so I find this odd. Maybe one of these days food will sound delicious and I'll get super hungry. I guess for now, it's keeping me from gaining too much weight. Or, really, any at all (fat-wise). I think I've gained about 5-6 pounds total in four months, and it seems to be pregnancy-related.

OK, in case you've never been pregnant and you hear that you're supposed to gain 25-30 pounds, and you freak out, that's not all fat. I used to think it was fat because I thought, well, a baby only weighs like 7 pounds. But here's the breakdown:

Baby 7-8 pounds
Placenta 1-2 pounds
Amniotic fluid 2 pounds
Uterus 2 pounds
Maternal breast tissue 2 pounds
Maternal blood 4 pounds
Fluids in maternal tissue 4 pounds
Maternal fat and nutrient stores 7 pounds

So, really, you only want a few pounds of actual fat. And, yeah, I'm still vain and don't want to be someone who gains 60 pounds, with 30 pounds of that as fat. So all in all, I think things are going well so far.

I have not had any exercise, besides housework, and I think I'll feel much better once I do. But it's hard to work a swing shift because if I expend too much energy before work, then it's hard to make it through the night. And it's so darn cold, that just going for a quick walk isn't an option. I definitely see how regular exercise could help you in pregnancy, but at the same time, I don't get it because you just feel too crappy and tired.

Here's to better weeks ahead!

Bye-bye, flat stomach

So here goes my waistline. That's OK. It's to be expected with pregnancy, and actually, it's kind of nice not having to suck my stomach in. I've always had a pretty flat stomach and small waist, and focused most of my body image issues on my butt and thighs. Now, I must say, I feel like my butt and thighs hardly bother me at all!

But what do you do around (for me) month 13-14 weeks when your regular pants are just a bit too snug in the waist but you're way too small for maternity clothes? You could wear pants several sizes too big, but are they really going to be flattering?

I was wondering just this thing when the heavens opened, light shone down, angels sang and the Lord brought me Old Navy. Old Navy and its "Real Waist" line of maternity pants.

Here's the thing: They are otherwise normal, stylish pants that have a secret adjustable waist. In theory, one pair could take you from those early days barely showing to the end of your pregnancy. I say "in theory" because, chances are, my butt will expand and need bigger pants. I can cross my fingers, but let's be realistic. I also got Real Waist pants in khaki and black dress pants, which are sort of low-rise flare pants.

These low-rise jeans are surprisingly comfortable. On the inside waist, there is a piece of elastic that runs through and is exposed on either side. The elastic has numerous buttonholes, and the jeans have a button. You just adjust to your current size. Right now, they're adjusted small, so the waist looks a bit bunchy, but they really stay up comfortably - I'm not constantly adjusting them like I usually do with my normal jeans - and my shirt covers the top of them anyway.

Extra benefits: When I bought them, they were $10 online on sale. And I fit into a size 2. I bought regular pants at Old Navy the other day and had to get a 6, which I had never fit into, but my belly was a bit rounder than usual. Nothing makes an expanding pregnant woman feel better than a size 2 label, realistic or not.

My life

In this post, I want to address a couple of things. First, what is this blog about? Well, it's kind of evolved from having no point whatsoever to focusing on my former handbag and accessory business, Burst of Happiness, to focusing on my personal crafts/sewing/pattern making/etc.

As you know, sometimes I write about things I've made, sometimes I write about things I observe or life in general. Sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's funny. Somehow, a few of you stick with me no matter what. I appreciate that.

Where am I going with this? Well, as you now know, I'm pregnant. And I think that some of you don't visit my blog to hear about baby stuff. Maybe you want to see sewing projects, or who knows what. The sewing projects have been more sparse since I've been feeling rather lousy, though I'm starting to feel better now.

Some of you may not really care what I write about; you just think I'm fantastic. Thanks for that! OK, maybe not. But the point is that I see this blog as just being about whatever I'm doing. And what I'm doing is making a small human, so this could frequently be the topic du jour around here for a while.

I'll definitely be squeezing some other stuff in. I have some knitting projects I'm finally finishing up, and I always have my weekly sewing projects for the Warehouse Fabrics Inc. blog that I'll share.

For now, I'm going to make you look at my baby. And my uterus. I realize that many people may not like this kind of thing.
This is "Gummy" at 13 weeks. I like to think Gummy is smiling in this picture.

Things that suck about pregnancy

Here's what I think: I think that mothers have been in cahoots to keep many of the secrets of pregnancy from non-mothers, just to be mean. Just so that we are tricked into going through the same misery. My theory is somewhat flawed because I have no motive for such cruelty; I actually believe women are pretty good people. But all I ever used to hear is how great pregnancy is. Then, after I am pregnant, everyone is suddenly acknowledging the misery. Interesting.

I just want to know how I got to be 35 and never had any clue about so many of these things. I now want to share with the world the suckiness of my first trimester. It may be that I want to whine now that my pregnancy is no longer a secret. But more than that, I just think people deserve to know.

I'd like to start by saying that in my "normal life" I am totally healthy and free of aches and pains. I almost never get sick. As a matter of fact, the only real ailment I have is headaches, but even those mostly went away after I replenished my vitamin D levels. So please understand that I'm not a negative person or a sickly person. I'm in great health and I'm in good shape. Sometimes great shape, sometimes good shape, but I'm never overweight or anything.

But since getting pregnant, these are some of the joys I've discovered:

1. Morning sickness: I had it better than most people - just two weeks and no barfing. But IT WAS AWFUL.


2. Major, debilitating headaches: In a way, it's like, "what else is new?" I mean, I've always had headaches, but now I get three-day headaches and I can't really take anything but regular strength Tylenol. Any experienced headache sufferer laughs at regular strength Tylenol. It's about as effective on a debilitating headache as a Tic-Tac.


3. Sciatic nerve inflammation: In my old, Jewish lady voice, "Oy vey, my sciatica is acting up again."


4. Muscle pain: I woke up the other day and felt like I'd run a marathon. My legs were so sore, I walked like a 95-year-old. Getting up the stairs took forever. And I didn't not do anything strenuous the day before. Actually, I have not done anything strenuous in weeks ... see No. 5.


5. EXHAUSTION LIKE I HAVE NEVER KNOWN: This one deserves all caps. If you've never been pregnant but have heard that one may be tired during this time, well, you have no idea. You cannot grasp the meaning of tired until you spend three months creating a placenta. For me: get up after sleeping for 10 hours, eat breakfast, wash the dishes, check my e-mail, return to bed for a nap before work.


6. Food Aversions: Please don't ever show me a vegetable again.


7. Weird Pelvic Pains That Are Apparently Normal But Scare the Crap Out of You Every Time Anyway: I guess the uterus has to stretch and everything, but you still think "Miscarriage!" at each pang.


8. Ridiculous Emotions: I cry at everything. Everything. "Desperate Housewives," commercials, a billboard for a fertility clinic that shows one set of hands handing a baby to another set of hands. "It's a Wonderful Life," which I can't even stand but am forced to watch by my husband every year. Even a news story at work about some people who beat their 3-month-old to oblivion for "entertainment." Ok, that one deserved some tears, but usually I'm pretty good at not crying at my desk when reading horrible news stories. It's my job, after all, to read horrible news stories.


9. Bloating: From the moment I conceived, my belly got big and puffy. I was sure everyone at work was playing "Is she fat or pregnant," but after I told them, nobody seemed to have had any clue. Or at least they were polite enough not to say, "Ohhhh. I was wondering why you looked so dumpy and plumpy."


10. Digestive Issues: I won't go into detail, lest my mother torture me with prunes as she did when I was a kid. A friend told me yesterday that a pregnant friend of hers once said, "Nobody told me I wouldn't shit for 9 months!" That really says it all, people.


11. Boobs: OK, so they got bigger, and that was cool, but you know when you have breast tenderness right before your period? Imagine that times 10,000 and for three straight months or more. My cat has a real knack for using my chest as a thoroughfare when I'm sleeping.

Before this, I always thought, "If I'm ever pregnant, I will eat super-healthy and exercise every day. Because that's what a good mother-to-be does."

Now I know what a complete idiot I was. Between nausea and food aversions, you're lucky to eat at all, and thanks to the exhaustion, going upstairs was about all the exercise I could handle in a day and still make it though work that evening.

By the grace of God, or good genetics, I only gained 1.5 pounds in the first trimester. It was certainly no thanks to any effort I put in. I basically had to eat whatever appetized me at the moment. Mostly I find it unfortunate to have to deal with food at all, because even post-morning sickness, I generally don't find that food sounds very good. I don't really feel normal hunger, I just feel sort of sick when it's time to eat. Like my blood sugar dropped and I'm sort of headachey, maybe nauseated, and nothing sounds good.

Oh, but if you think this sounds bad, or that childbirth sounds bad, I hear that those are a fun day at the park compared to breast-feeding.

Baby on board

I have some big news. My three loyal readers may be wondering where the heck I've been the past few months. You were probably waiting on the edge of your seat for my latest creative endeavor and terrible photographs documenting it. Am I right?

But I let you down, again and again.

Well, here's why: I'm pregnant. And since I'm really, really, really old (according to my doctor, who left off all the "reallys," but I like to exaggerate)(I'll be 36 in a month)(That just doesn't seem that old to me). Darn. I lost my train of thought with all those tangents. Oh yeah -- since I'm old, I was just a little over-nervous about making it safely through the first trimester. I just know so many people who have miscarried in those first months. I am now 13 weeks along and had my second OB visit today, so I'm ready to share the news.

What does this have to do with blogging? A few things:

1. I've felt like complete and utter shit for 8 weeks and haven't had the energy or motivation to do any sewing beyond what I do for the Warehouse Fabrics Inc. blog each week.

2. I didn't know how to discuss my life without bringing up the baby. Because my life is just never going to be the same again, and it's a really big deal.

So there you go. I can hardly believe it! I was honestly surprised by the whole thing -- as surprised as you can get. I'm not sure why, since we stopped using birth control last January. But I guess I just really felt in my heart that we would not be parents (and I was OK with that), and so I put it out of my mind and never thought about it. And then, 10 months later ... HELLO!

And now, be glad you did not know until three months in, because you will probably hear way too much about my uterus and fetus and impending motherhood up until July. I apologize in advance.