I'm a little older, a little flabbier

Here's a blast from the past -- one that my husband insisted I put on my blog. It's embarrassing, yes, but I will do it for the sake of giving you a chuckle.

Here's the deal: My mom was cleaning out some drawers of old stuff. And I mean old. She called to ask if I wanted any workout clothes. I said, "Do you mean like the thong leotards people wore in 1990?" Yes, that's what she meant. I went to get something from her and she hands me a bag of clothes that I might like, but won't let me look at them until later. That's when I found this lovely surprise -- a genuine 1980s workout outfit! She also threw in a splatter-paint bandana for good measure.

I look, well, not good in this outfit, but I might point out they are padded bike shorts. Yes, yes. These are padded everywhere, all over the thighs and everything, so really, none of that is me. I'm very, very slim underneath those extremely padded shorts. Seriously.

A little bundle of energy

No, I'm not talking about those crazy kids at the park. I'm talking about me! Yep, 34-year-old me!

I just wanted to brag because I have been working out a lot, and I'm proud! Today, after the weekend's nasty weather, was nice and sunny and warm. So I hopped on my brand-new bicycle and went for a ride. After last week's discovery of the butt discomfort associated with bikes, I wasn't sure how long I could go. I did have a gel seat cover I didn't have before. I decided to go part of my little-over-3-mile walking route, but in reverse because that wouldn't require me to cross the busy road in order to ride the correct side. Most of the path is residential, but part of it is on Golf Course. If I go in reverse, I just take a right onto Golf Course and another right onto the residential area, and the rest is quiet streets.

When I got near to home, I wanted to keep going, and I did. This, unfortunately, required me to confront the nasty hill that nearly ended my life last week. It's the final part of my ride home. As I approached it, I told myself to "just get to that third tree up there." As I struggled and gasped, I said, "maybe the second tree would be fine." Quickly, I convinced myself that just the first tree would be plenty good. At the same time, I was messing with the gears. But I couldn't remember which way to go if I was on a hill. I then turned something so that the pedals went all crazy and I almost fell off, so I stopped and fixed the settings to somewhere in the middle. At this point I had lost all momentum and would not be able to restart up this mountain. Again, I was walking it.

When I got home from my 30 minute ride, despite gasping for breath and being quite purple from the heat and exertion, I still felt really revved-up and energetic. So I hopped on the treadmill for another 40 minutes. I wanted to go even longer but I had to work and started to realize I may be pushing it on time.

I tracked my path online at this site and found I had gone about 5 miles on my bike and I know I went 3 miles on the treadmill. I'm very proud of my 70 minute, 8-mile workout! What motivates me? Two words: swimsuit, vacation.

Motivation: I'll take it where I can find it

I saw my friend Karen the other day. We have known each other since high school, but she just recently moved back here from Texas. We enjoyed a movie and some healthy dinner (yay for Buddha bowls at Flying Star!).

We agreed to start walking together, maybe someday running, twice a week. I think this will help us get out and do it. Knowing someone is depending on you is supposed to be a good way to get moving.

This is my blog and I can say what I want about myself no matter how stupid.

I used to work out religiously. This all started when I lived in Bakersfield and had no friends. This is so sad, but the thing is, my days off seemed like an eternity. I didn't have interactions with other humans and I thought my days off would never end. So I started working out like crazy as a means to occupy myself for the weekend. I reached a point where I had to force myself to take time off. I wouldn't say I looked amazing, because I didn't do enough cardio and I still had more body fat than I wanted, but I had really well-toned muscles.

Fast-forward and I'm engaged. Wedding planning took over my life for a year. If you haven't done it, you probably don't understand how it could possibly be so time consuming. The worst part is, this is the time when people want to really lose weight. You just don't have time to work out if you are planning a wedding AND have a job. Lucky for me, I discovered that stress just makes me skinny.

After the wedding I jumped from 103 pounds to 116 in no time. I'm small boned, so a 15-pound weight gain in a few months seemed obvious to me. I never did get back into the work-out mood. I would eye the skinny, tall girl at work (Carla, I'm talking to you) with envy while reminding myself that she runs all the time and eats carrots all day. I, on the other hand, didn't exercise and ate McDonald's way too often.

I reached a point where I felt so down on myself. I tried to tell myself that I couldn't look that bad if I fit in a size 2 still, but I still felt my jiggly thighs rubbing together. Now, don't even go there with the eating disorder thing because as I said before, I ate plenty of McDonald's. There are two things I can't stand in life: being hungry and throwing up. I started thinking about the movie "The Sweetest Thing" where Christina Applegate starts shaking her arm and asking where that jiggling flab came from. I felt like that. I'm too young to let myself go. All of a sudden, your body is changing in little ways and it's so unfair. I think, "I only have so many years left that I can look hot, so why am I wasting any of them?"

Anyway, I ran for the past three days in a row and it's so amazing what a difference it makes in how you feel about yourself. I know it hasn't changed anything about me yet, but I feel like I look good now anyway. Every day I remind myself that I can spare that 30 minutes of my day because it's worth it for the confidence boost it gives.

I also owe a shout out to Willie J., who has so many kind words for me when I'm down on myself. You're a good man, Willie J.