Day 6, Hawaii: ready to come home

This is where our trip wraps up. We were catching a red eye at 10:45 p.m., so we had all day. But ever since the boat ride, I'd been feeling crappy. We decided to head up to the north side of the island, but we were both feeling incredibly wiped out.

We stopped and ate lunch at a little place with a nice view. I had fish that tasted and looked like chicken. I think I was tricked. Remember how I told you there were chickens everywhere?
Anyway, there were all these little birds begging for food, and some were remarkably cute!


The red one thought he was the you-know-what. I felt sorry for the little brown ones.

There was one little bird that would pick up food and put it in the other bird's mouth. The other bird looked able-bodied to me, so I'm not sure how it worked out this excellent deal. He must have had something on that other guy. The red one is feeding the brown one.

We shopped a little and had a lost-phone panic attack, but it turned out to be in the car. We then headed back to the hotel. The plane was PACKED. It was miserable. It went faster than the ride out there because we slept most of the time, but sleeping was so uncomfortable. Our seats were against the bathrooms and didn't recline.
It was dark on the plane, and at one point I opened my eyes to fix my pillow and was looking at the bathroom right behind me on the other side of the aisle. Some guy was peeing and had his butt showing -- the door apparently swung open and he didn't notice. Poor guy. I just closed my eyes really quickly and pretended not to have seen.

Day 5, Hawaii: Barforama

On Friday, we had the activity I was most looking forward to: Barfing in the sea. Just kidding. It was a 5-hour catamaran sunset dinner cruise along the Na Pali coast with snorkeling -- an area you can't access by car. Doesn't this sound lovely? Well, it's not. It's a small boat packed with people. It's a terribly long and bumpy ride. Any time I tried to go into the sheltered area, I'd instantly start feeling bad. They said to avoid this area if you're seasick.

Nearly halfway through, we stopped at an area to snorkel. It was near the cliffs and not too deep -- maybe 30 feet or so. The water was remarkably warm. I was dreading touching it at first because it looked so cold and the weather wasn't particularly warm at that moment. Unfortunately, they gave no real instruction on it. I couldn't even get my mask on and had to get the cappy to help me. Then I went in and didn't have my mouth around the thing tightly enough and got a bunch of salt water in my mouth. Ocean water tasted pretty bad. Not like gargling with salt water when your throat hurts. It has fish doo and pee and stuff, along with rotting corpses of sea life and mafia victims and dead surfers, etc.
Several times, I got a bit panicky, with the water in my mouth and the current and the idea of this vast ocean with creepy things below me. When I did get it going, it was pretty cool. There were fish around (I think they fed them). When I got back in the boat, I immediately felt sick. From that point on I was horribly seasick. We moved on to the most beautiful part of the island and I missed it all. Note the rainbow in the second photo!



I didn't barf, but it took all I had. I couldn't wait for that ride to end. We did see dolphins, but it's hard to care when you're that sick. I felt unsteady even the next day.
Here's me feeling extremely bad and looking even worse:

Thanks, Mark for taking this!

Before we went to the boat ride, we stopped at a gift shop and took these surfing pics. Of course, I would never really try to surf. This is as close as it gets. I'm not sure who I'm waving to. I guess Nemo?

Day 4, Hawaii: Roasted piggies

On day 4, we went to one of those time share pitches. We've done them before -- we're practically experts in team work on them. We had no intention to buy, of course, but we got a big discount on all of our activities for the week.

Then we went to see Spouting Horn. There's some stupid legend about how some giant lizard got stuck in the rocks and spits or something, but what it really is is a rocky place by the ocean where water shoots up. The guide book showed it going really high, but this is what we saw:


We also went to see the famous monkeypod tree. I like anything about monkeys, even when it's just the word and not a real monkey. Here is mark acting like a monkey in front of the tree:


That night was the luau. After "South Pacific," Mark had little hope for this being fun. I told him to lose all expectations and expect cheesiness and it will be fun.
It turned out to be really fun. It was at a hotel nearby and started on the beach area of the hotel with all you can drink mai-tais. We thought they'd be weak, so we got a shot of rum from the bartender (all booze was free!). But they weren't weak, and when we added the rum, we found we were both a little on the drunk side very quickly. I didn't drink anymore so that I could drive that night. Here's mark on the beach:

There were also sand crabs. They are very hard to see and very small. Can you spot the sand crab in this picture?


The the party moved into a huge tent. There was really good food! And native dancers! It was fun! Mark got up and danced, too. He's on the right in the black shirt.


When we got back to the hotel, Mark wasn't feeling too good. Too much food, too many mai-tais, too much dancing:

Day 3, Hawaii

Day three started out pretty uneventful. We decided to lounge around. Our room faced the beach, so all we had to do was walk outside the hotel and there we were.

The thing is, we don't really like the beach. It's pretty and all, and always looks appealing, but the truth is, the beach is messy. The water looked dirty when it rolled in and the sand sticks all over you. There's creepy things like sand crabs and jellyfish. Meanwhile, there was an amazing hotel pool area just a few yards away, so we found that much more pleasant. Clean water, no sand. Hot tub. Comfy chairs. Waiters with pina coladas.

That night, we had tickets to see a dinner theater production of "South Pacific." Mark found out the Hilton was putting it on and was dying to go. I can't begin to describe the horror. First, we had to stand in line for an hour with no air conditioning despite having tickets. Then we entered. It was a basic hotel ballroom with big tables of eight and a really awful buffet. I mean awful. By the time the play started, we'd been there 2.5 hours and were ready to go. The play kind of reminded me of "Waiting for Guffman." All these really bad actors on a really bad set in a really cheesy location taking themselves really seriously. The lead actor couldn't sing or act.

At intermission, we wanted to cut out. But we had promised a ride to another couple we had met in line who had taken a cab and were staying at the same hotel we were. They were more than happy to leave early, so we split and had a nice drink with them at our hotel.

Next day, Mark called the Hilton and complained about how awful everything was. They gave our money back and acknowledged it was an understudy playing the main role.

Hawaii, Day 2

We stayed in Lihue, which is basically in the middle of the beaten path. There mostly is just one road around the island, but the circle isn't complete. You can't access the NW part of the island by car. So from Lihue, in the SE section, you can drive to the north or to the west. For the first day, we chose west.

Our guidebook suggested that we drive a little past the Wiamaia Canyon. I know I spelled that wrong and I'm just too darn tired to look it up. It suggested we check out some other stuff, and then head back there. Long story short, we ended up feeling like we were in N.M. and turning around early. Look at this picture -- if I told you it was N.M., you'd probably believe me. Also, there was this scary creature vehicle on the road.


We caught a back road up to the canyon and met the main road about halfway up. This road was much prettier, but we were still unsure why we were there. Until a clearing in the trees opened up and we saw a gigantic, colorful canyon with long, cascading waterfalls.

We got excited, but there was one problem. We both needed to pee, and I really preferred a toilet to the woods. Every bathroom facility turned out to be a no-go and I had to go in the woods. I was traumatized by this because this one time, in band camp, or actually at Indian Princess camp with my dad, I accidentally peed all over my jeans when I tried to go in the wilderness. I guess some things you need to learn from your mom, not your dad.

By the time we hit the road back down to find a great view, a mist had come in and covered it all up. So here are some photos, but they are nothing like the view could have been.

Hawaii: Day 1

I just got back from my first visit to Hawaii. Was it good? Was it bad? Maybe a little of each. I will post a day by day rundown over the next week.

There's something weird about Kauai, and it's spelled C-H-I-C-K-E-N. It appears that early last decade, Hurricane Iniki freed some poultry and they went a little overboard on the breeding. Now there are chickens everywhere on this island. Wild chickens. I think most of us on the mainland think of chickens as belonging to people. Every single chicken has an owner, right? But on Kauai, "why did the chicken cross the road" takes on a whole new meaning. Sometimes they didn't, but lucky for you, I didn't photograph that. Instead, here is a wild chicken at my resort taking her chicks out to scratch for food. You have to look very closely to spot the babies.

Everywhere you go, there are roosters crowing: at the pool, at the beach, in the misty mountains, on medians ...

Anyway, we took an early flight and got there mid-afternoon. Right off the bat, I saw this dress in a shop at the hotel, and Mark got it for me. By the way, this is the view from our room!


We cleaned up and went to a free mai-tai and pupu (cue Beavis/Butthead laughs) event for the owners. This refers to time share owners, which we aren't. But we were given use of the property by some friends as a wedding gift that we just got around to using. We also got raffle tickets, and Mark was feeling very lucky. Alas, we didn't win.




Later, we went to dinner on campus and I had the best spaghetti of my life. Then I went to bed at 8 p.m. I normally go to bed at 2 a.m., and I guess it was pretty late ABQ time. It turned out to be a good thing to go to bed on my ABQ schedule because the island shuts down very early, so going to sleep and rising early makes the best use of your time.